Kenduri nikah kahwin

Dua hari yang lepas,keluargaku bersiap sedia untuk kenduri tahlil yang akan diadakan pada hari keesokannya. Kedua-dua makcik pakcik sepupu sebelah Mak dan Bapak dijemput hadir di kenduri tersebut. Selepas tikar terakhir siap dibentang, Mak berseloroh kepadaku,”Dah, aku dah boleh nikahkan kau besok. Habis selesai, tak payah susah-susah lagi.”

Dengan selambanya aku menjawab, “Ok boleh, tak ada masalah. Lagi murah, lagi bagus!” (Terlupa pula nak merungut, “Mak tak cakap siang-siang, kita tak jemput bakal suaminya!”)

Dan kakakku menambah, “Mak kalau buat macam tu, tentu orang fikir ada benda tak baik dah berlaku, sebab itu tiba-tiba nak dinikahkan.”

Seloroh ibu dan anak begitu membuatku terfikir: itulah masalahnya dengan orang kita. Benda yang baik (pernikahan), yang memang sepatutnya dipercepatkan kalau sudah siap dari segi kematangan dan kewangan (kewangan untuk keperluan peribadi ya, tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, bukan kewangan untuk adakan majlis bak kerabat diraja atau datuk datin), sebaliknya dipandang serong andai benar-benar dipercepatkan. Kalau ikut kehendakku, buat sahaja kenduri nikah kahwin! Biar orang nak kata apa, 5 bulan kemudian kalau perut aku tak membuncit, siaplah satu-satu kena telan kata-kata sendiri.

Suatu lagi masalah orang kita: Sindrom “Apa kata orang?” atau “Tak pernah dibuat orang!” Eh, orang lain tak pernah buat, mereka punya pasallah! Aku pula nak buat, ada kacau hidup orang lain? Aku tak nak pelamin (dan duduk di pelamin selama berjam-jam), aku tak nak pakai mak andam, aku tak nak dihias untuk jadi boneka hidup yang kerjanya senyum sahaja, aku nak buat baju pengantin sendiri yang anggun tetapi cukup ringkas untuk dipakai semula, aku tak nak kuih sepuluh macam, aku tak nak jemput si polan punya makcik punya anak tiri punya laki, ada kacau hidup orang? Orang-orang ini semua, sesiapa pun mereka, ada nak tolong aku bayarkan duit rumah dan perabot dan makan minum elektrik aku laki bini sehari-hari dan bil hospital kalau aku nak beranak?

Dreams, past and present

I have a dream. Or rather, I had a dream. Of how my wedding would be a grand-funk affair. Bigger and better than anyone else’s. A hotel wedding, never done before by anyone in my extended family. Prettiest wedding favours ever, not the typical towel or eggs.

I had this dream, many years back. When neither the mister nor myself had any money for any affair, grand or otherwise. When the mister would never let me drag him onto my dream-wedding-wagon and let me hold the reins and run away with my ideas. (On hindsight, thank you for keeping me grounded, dear.) Hence, that dream simply vanished, as life and adulthood and work took over.

And now, I still have a dream. Only a much different one.

Because I’m a lazy blogger (expect to read this phrase often), here’s what the dream is:

the what and the why

Why the (almost) total turnaround in mindset?

Because it’s taken me so long to build up my savings, that I feel so sayang (this is where Malay, the language close to my heart, can aptly describe what English can’t) to spend so much of it in a day, or two, on a single event.

Because I would like to start married life in a relatively comfortable financial situation, rather than in a much reduced, hence risky one.

Because I’ve come to realise, when I dig deep within and be honest with myself, that that previous dream of a grand-funk wedding affair is nothing but a shallow desire to impress people and seek the approval of others. And for what?

Because I met the wonderful CEO of Project Spirituality, Ms Maimunah Alhabshi, who opened the eyes of my heart and triggered all of the above. (Thank you, my dear ustazah.)

And because I am such a dreamer AND sentimentalist (sentimentel, to give it a Malay twist), I decided I would start this blog, just so the ideas that pop in my head (which may or may not be executed), get recorded for the days in my future married life when I feel like reminiscing.

It’s now or never. And NOW, it is.