Note: I am on medical leave today because I’m sick and tired and I had a long week without much rest over the weekend because I had a 2-day marriage-related course to attend. Seriously, the government should cover all bases if they really want people to get married and start families. Since it’s compulsory for couples to go for marriage preparatory course before they get married, the government should grant them pre-marriage leave to go for it, instead of them having to sacrifice their weekend / off day to attend. This would also prove that the government genuinely wants to help increase citizen population.
That being said, here’s the post I started writing yesterday and finished today while I waited for the medication to take effect and bring me to lala land.
This shall be a short post, or at least I’ll try to keep it that way.
It’s a wrap up post for a wedding-themed weekend.
The mister and I are now certified ready for marriage. We attended Suchi Success’ Kasih Sejati Marriage Preparatory Course, which practically took up our whole Saturday and Sunday (starting at 9am and ending at 6.30pm).
The choice of course provider was mine. The mister had something else in mind: a short, few hours, personal session with an Indian Muslim marriage counsellor; the same one his brother and then fiancée had seen before they got married. I didn’t want the fast route just for the sake of getting the certificate; I was looking for something more comprehensive and structured rather than (what I perceived to be) informal. After reading positive reviews from a few BTB blogs, I told him I’d like to attend the course by Suchi Success. He went along to keep me
quiet happy (awwww sweet right) but I suspect he agreed because it happened that at least one of his friends (with fiancée) was also going for the same course.
The verdict: Mixed. While it was indeed a comprehensive and structured course that covered many relevant marriage-related topics such as finances, dealing with in-laws and marital conflict, intimacy, fulfilling each others’ emotional needs, etc, it made me irritated with its espousing of the conservative view of the 3Rs (rights, responsibilities and roles) of husbands and wives. I can safely say now that I don’t believe in distinct and separate 3Rs for husbands and wives. The only thing that can be distinct is their biological roles; only the wife can bear children and breastfeed them. All else should be shared (responsibilities), apply equally to both (rights) and be negotiable (roles).
I was hoping I could speak up and ‘rock the boat’ by asking critical questions, but firstly it seemed like I was the only one frowning away when such conservative views were mentioned by the speakers, secondly nobody else seemed to have questions (yes I’m cowardly when it comes to coming forward to be the first and perhaps only one to ask), and thirdly there just wasn’t enough time to ask anything. I ended up just letting out some of the frustration by sending a Whatsapp message to the mister, telling him how I dislike the word ‘izin’ (to permit; to give permission) and imagining how I would write all my objections in this blog. Which I would, in another post. But I swear, one more time I hear anyone say that it’s ‘easy’ for a woman who’s a wife to enter heaven, I am going to.. I don’t know.. roll my eyes out of my sockets? Snap at the person who says it? Give off some sarcastic remark like: Really? God told you this? You’ve been to a wife-filled heaven and back that you can say with total confidence that this is absolutely true? Bullshit. (Oh dear, see, now I’m swearing and saying God in the same blog breath. You bad, bad, conservatives.)
Anyway, after Day 1 of the course ended, I went with my sister to Charisma Wedding Showcase to check out their food.
Verdict: For what should be an all-out effort to sell their new venue and existing catering service (besides their bridal service), the food quality was disappointing. It’s not that it was bad, it just wasn’t outstanding. If you can’t cook superb food for 50-odd people, what makes you think we are going to be convinced you can cook good food for 500 or more people?
So that meant the $50 I paid for 2 tickets to attend the showcase got ‘burnt’, as I was not going to take up their catering service and thus can’t offset $50 from the catering price. Oh wells, I’ll consider it as just a dinner treat for my sister and myself, and pretend we ate at Swensen’s (although the food is not comparable).
We walked out of the indoor section of the place before the showcase ended proper and zoomed in to the Card Maison’s ‘booth’ (it really was just a table or two out of a row of tables which seated other vendors). I immediately gave away that I knew the owner – virtually that is – by calling her by name. (Hi Dyan! *waves*). She of course caught on, and as much as I’m actually shy about identifying myself as the writer of pengantinpelik to strangers offline, her friendly and no-airs nature made it easy for me to admit that firstly I read her blog and secondly, I am that said writer.
So in the end we got acquainted pretty fast, and I made the fastest wedding-related decision thus far, in a record 20 minutes or so: I decided to get my wedding invites done by the Card Maison! This was in view of the fact that she was having a 20% discount for those who signed up with her that night. Although the savings aren’t much (mine being a small affair and hence the small number of invitation cards), being the budget-conscious BTB, every dollar counts. Plus, I love Card Maison’s colourful and modern designs, (I can choose from existing ones or get her to design a customised one for me), and it would be so much more convenient than going back and forth to JB just to get quotations, send the design for printing and collect the cards. Not to mention racking my head for card designs.
Ok, I’ll admit that I didn’t want to leave that place not having scored any wedding-related item. I wanted to feel like the effort I made to go all the way there and the money I paid was worth it. Next thing to do is just to break the news to my mom. (Drama seh, setakat kad jemputan pun nak kena break the news.)
Anyway, it seemed the mister and I ‘took turns’ to be unwell. On Day 1 of the course, he had stomach upset (diarrhoea) and we actually took a cab back to his place, which was a 10-to-15-minute drive away, during the lunch break so that he could go do his business comfortably, then took a cab back, being the star karat couple to walk in late at close to 3pm. And during the afternoon tea break he disappeared for a while (it turns out he found an empty, clean and nice toilet one floor below), and was the last to come back to the training room.
On Day 2 of the course, it was my turn to be unwell. I was afflicted with prolonged sinus – dripping nose and constant sneezing, in multiples (like 5 sneezes in 10 seconds, or less). He gave me his handkerchief (yes, he’s an old school gentleman) during the lunch break, since I don’t have an endless supply of tissue paper, which I later – during the afternoon session – absentmindedly dropped (or maybe it fell out of my open bag). He was the one who noticed it on the speaker’s table under a mug (how on earth it got there I have no idea – I was sitting right in the first row facing the table, though) and quickly took it back, relaying to me later how embarrassed he was to find his damp (with my liquids haha) handkerchief on the speaker’s table. Sorry dear. All that liquid must have blocked oxygen from getting to my brain and diluted my sense of awareness. And I really have no idea why anyone would pick up a random, obviously-used, handkerchief and use it as a coaster! (On another note, this gives me an idea for a hantaran gift for him.)
Suchi succesfully ‘graduating’ from the course and acquiring the certificate, this was his parting comment to me:
You know at what point during the course that made me sure you’re definitely the one for me?
I didn’t exactly have high hopes for him to say anything particularly touching or thoughtful or romantic, or to derive his certainty from any part of the course content, because I just know how and who he is. Plus I was just tired out and wanted to collapse in bed. So I simply asked what it was without holding any breath in anticipation.
When it was at the part near the end where the guys and girls were coming forward to write what frustrates them about the way their partners communicate, and it became chaotic because the guys were dissing the girls and vice versa, with loud agreements and laughter at examples, and some girls displaying mock anger and ‘warning’ their partners that they’d ‘get it from them’ after the course for daring to surface their bad points, and I turned to look at you and saw that you weren’t really interested and were basically nonchalant about the whole exercise; that’s when I knew you were the one for me because I felt the same way and don’t really get the whole hoo-ha either.
See, I told you it wasn’t going to be really anything insightful. But it’s real; HE’S real. And I’m glad all the same that we have the same outlook towards things. Truth be told, I was just so tired of sneezing and blowing my nose throughout the day, so I just couldn’t wait for the course to be over and I found the coming forward one-by-one (each row sent a representative, and there were 6 rows each for guys and girls) to be a waste of time. Plus, it turned into a girls versus boys thing, which surfaced generalisations, which I hate. Every single person, man or woman, has his or her own unique set of weaknesses when it comes to communication and they’re not gender specific. For example, I think the mister can be more emo (i.e. get upset easily and subsequently display sulking behaviour) than me, which the group supposedly listed as a girl thing. On the other hand, I think that the weakness of thinking and insisting that one is right all the time, listed by the group as a guy thing, applies more to me than the mister.
I guess what this boils down to is: I’m not the only pelik (odd) one in this coupling. Both of us make a pelik couple through and through. 😀