I am a Muslim Woman and I Chose to Have an Abortion

Coincidentally, this appeared on my WordPress Reader today, just a day after I reblogged ‘an alternative view on abortion, or, a woman’s right to have one’ . So here’s an alternative Muslim view, from a Muslim woman who has had one done.

Something to think about: Any man in the same familial, social, academic and professional position as this woman would not have to grapple with such a difficult decision and the pressure of societal aftermath, simply because he cannot get pregnant and cannot breastfeed. He is perceived as his own person, and rarely in relation to other people (as opposed to a woman who is often seen as someone’s daughter, wife or mother). A man hardly has to think: should I or should I not become a father to yet another child, considering that it would set back my academic and professional pursuit by a number of years?

Love, InshAllah

I am a Muslim woman and I chose to have an abortion. There are a few things you should know about me: I consider my religion to be the defining aspect of my life; I am an active member of my community, particularly in the area of women’s education and empowerment; and, I am a wife and mother who is nursing her baby while pursuing a post-graduate degree. I also do plan on having more children in the future, God willing.

I also want to make clear that I do not promote abortion as means of routine contraception, particularly in a world rife with sexual promiscuity, but I do believe that under certain circumstances, Islam does and should permit it. I have chosen to write anonymously about this experience in order to respect my family’s privacy, but I am prepared to deal with the potentially harsh criticism and judgment a…

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A Safer And More Caring Society

An alternative view on abortion, or, a woman’s right to have one (just as it is her right to NOT have one and carry her pregnancy to full term). Something to think about: “Anti-choice groups nearly always talk about what kind of cancer-curing genius any given fetus might grow up to be, but almost no one talks about what a woman might become if she chose to terminate her pregnancy.”

The Belle Jar

I keep thinking of ways to start this post, but I can’t figure out the right words to use.

What do you say about someone whose contribution to your life, and the lives of all women, is invaluable?

I guess that I should start with the most basic fact: Henry Morgentaler, doctor and agitator for women’s reproductive rights, died today. He was 90. His work helped save the lives of countless Canadian women.

Henry Morgentaler was born in Lodz, Poland, in 1923. A Polish Jew, he was sent to Auschwitz during the Nazi occupation of his homeland. He survived. His parents did not. He came to Canada in 1950. In 1955 he opened a family practice in Montreal. He soon began petitioning the government to reconsider their stance on abortion, and opened an abortion clinic in Montreal in 1969. At that time, attempting to induce an abortion was a crime…

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Advice: My husband doesn’t want to have sex

Reposting this just because this is something hardly discussed and vocalised in my community, because sex is a taboo topic (even within marriage) and women don’t have sexual desires. Ok I’m obviously being sarcastic on that last part. ;p

Love, InshAllah

Ed. note: Today our columnists are answering two similar questions that came in within days of one another.

Dear Love InshAllah,

I am happily married, and have been so for the past six years. Our sex drives, though, were never compatible; last year we had a very open and loving discussion where I suggested that he might be asexual. After some consideration, he agreed. Sex wasn’t very often (maybe 1-2 times a year) but now it is nothing. I’m not comfortable discussing this with my Imam, who is fairly conservative. Although my husband doesn’t have a sex drive, I do. I’m a sex-positive person, but don’t know how to navigate this issue in my life. I’ve been praying (for years) but am still stuck. I’m not interested in divorce; we’re very compatible in almost every other way. Is touching and physical intimacy no longer a part of my life?


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(Attempt at) Everyday Pretty

It’s yet another public holiday which yet again has to be dedicated to work (what’s new, right?) But the end is near and I really can’t wait for my proper break in two to three weeks’ time! And as usual I am procrastinating on starting work but I’m just itching to blog about this so that I shall do, to get it out of my system.

It’s also to give you guys – and myself – a break from the serious nature of my recent posts. It’s exhausting, not to mention frustrating, thinking about all that is wrong in this world which I cannot fix (and this is the cue for my mister’s words of ‘wisdom’: Jaga pantat sendiri dulu, focus on getting your shit together, tak payah sibuk-sibuk nak save the world. To which my answer is: I am not trying to save the world. If for each time something wrong happens, everyone looks away because it’s not happening to them, and because they think they have their own problems they need to fix first, then the wrongs, the injustice, the suffering will continue. And it is important to speak up, if that’s the least one can do, so that the wrongs don’t go unresisted that they become normal.)

Now where was I? This was supposed to be a light-hearted post but now I think I totally ruined it by thinking aloud. So this shall be a prologue, or rather, an attempt at Everyday Pretty.

Awas! Pengantin (buat) perangai!

Note: I began typing this post on 6 December last year and it’s been sitting in my drafts and I’m digging it up now to be published because there’s a new post related to it that I’d like to write so enjoy the looooooong read! (It’s quite amusing for me to read it now for some reason, because after having given in on a thing or two that I felt strongly about, I’m in a ‘apa nak jadi, jadilah, asalkan aku kahwin‘ – whatever happens, happens, as long as I get married – state so it’s amusing how emotional I was at that time, close to 6 months ago)

Haha ok that title up there, is like my pandai-pandai translation of ‘bridezilla alert’!

So let’s just say I am already displaying such tendencies, as my mister can attest to, looking at the nature of the Whatsapp messages I have been sending him. I think for the past two or three days, he has used the word ‘relax’ like over a hundred times. Ok, that’s an exaggeration, maybe close to 10 times? And that’s partially because I was releasing previously pent-up frustration over Incident No. 1, as I could not release it right when it happened, since the mister was in the midst of studying for his examination and of course I didn’t want to take his time and attention away because of some silly thing somebody said.

And then, Incident No. 2 happened yesterday (Edit: 5 December 2012) involving that same somebody, so I was frustrated all over again, and since his examination was over by then, I unleashed a 45-minute tirade over Whatsapp, explaining to him all that had happened. (Ok, he claims it was 45 minutes; I didn’t keep track.)

So, disclaimer! This is going to be an angsty and possibly nasty and filled-to-the-brim-with-negativity type of post, so all you positive freaks out there (I honestly don’t know how people can remain positive, especially living in this country), if you are the sort who’s always grateful and goes ‘Alhamdulillah’ 24/7, it’s best you stop reading this post right now. I’m not about to be diplomatic; it’s tiring to do that when all you want is for YOUR preferences for YOUR OWN wedding to be heard and respected and taken into account by those close to you WITHOUT ANY SNIDE REMARKS.

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