I have a dream… (but no song to sing)

I dream pretty often and I get pretty weird dreams, and when I wake up I’ll find myself telling myself to tell someone about it, but I have a short memory span when it comes to these things (ok when it comes to a lot of things to be honest) so a lot of times I totally forget about the dream before I get the chance to tell someone.

It just literally disappears into thin air and no amount of effort at trying to recollect what this or that weird dream is about would get the memory back. It’s like the dream never happened, although I know it did and it gets frustrating when I can’t recall what it is.

But this time round I’m determined to preserve that memory while I still have it, because it is related to something that has been on my mind. And I guess that that something-that-has-been-on-my-mind, has been on my mind, whether consciously or not, long enough, to seep into my subconscious and manifest itself in my dream state.

While battling menstrual cramps in my sleep, I dreamt that I was having labour pains. Yes, labour – I want to give birth – pains. I dreamt that I had checked myself in at a labour resort (yes, resort, what the hell!) which is like a rustic village kind of resort. And I was telling the doctor that I’m having contractions and I should be giving birth anytime soon.

And then the doctor said okay, maybe you want to check out the place where you can give birth – which is like the concrete steps at the entrance of Malay village houses, except it was leading out to the back of the property, facing a wall. And I wasn’t freaked out or anything; my only concern was since it was the back of the property there could be maintenance workers around who could see me giving birth. (Yes, it never crossed my mind – my dream-mind – that hey, this is a totally weird place to give birth! But there is sense to all this, which I will explain later.)

So there I was just sitting on those steps and feeling that those pains (actually literally, physically, menstrual cramps but in the dream I thought they were contractions) were getting a bit unbearable – or more like annoying – and I couldn’t wait to just get the damn baby out so the pain would stop. I think I sent someone to call the doctor to come over since I thought the baby should come out anytime soon.

The doctor came and checked me and said, nope, the baby isn’t ready to come out yet. And it crossed my dream-mind that hey, some women had to go through hours and hours and hours of labour before they delivered their babies, and a feeling of dread came upon me. Like, HOW. LONG. IS. THIS. GOING. TO. TAKE.??? And how much more pain do I have to bear? Like KID, PUH-LEAAASSSE, COME OUT ALREADY!

So the pain got more and more unbearable, until I thought, yes, finally, the baby’s going to come out! And then, just right before the defining moment came, the inevitable happened: I woke up from the dream, realised it was just a dream, though it felt so very real – as all my dreams do – and got annoyed that I am still feeling the pain, because I thought I was about to be rid of the pain in the dream but I wake up to find I can’t and I won’t as the pain was is real.

I was also disappointed because I actually wanted that dream to be real; I wanted to know what that kid would look like, how actually squeezing a baby’s head and body through my cervix would feel like (something I have always wondered about and can’t fathom), what kind of mother I would be, how the kid would turn out, what kind of life we would lead. I wanted to know, so so, so badly, that in my half-awake state I actually went back to sleep hoping the dream would continue and give me answers.

Well I did go back to sleep and did dream again, but it was unfortunately not a continuation of the same dream. In fact, I can’t remember what the next dream was about except it involved me snooping around the doctor’s city office (not the one at the resort), finding a random men’s shoe (yes just one, not a pair; a brown one sort of for hiking) and later throwing the shoe at the doctor’s husband’s feet.

Yes, the doctor is a woman. In fact, in the earlier dream, I checked in at the labour resort all alone, and I sat on the ‘labour steps’ all alone, and everyone at the resort were women, except for the could-possibly-be-privacy-intruding random maintenance guy. No husband, no father of the child was with me. And in my dream-mind I really was not bothered by the fact that I was all alone; I wasn’t calling out to someone to comfort me through the pain, and it really wasn’t something odd to me in the dream. In fact I’m only reporting and commenting on it now, post-dream, as an observation.

Now, I’d love to go into an analysis of why this whole dream actually has a sense to it, but blogging about it has made me hungry. (I’m having my menstruation, duh, so I’m not fasting and this being a weekend I can afford to skip sahur because I can have a jolly good breakfast at home. And yes, I’m totally shameless about it because hello, menstruation happens to half of the human population every other day so it’s a perfectly normal occurence, nothing to be ashamed about, so don’t try to tell me I’m giving TMI.)

So anyway, I’m off to refuel my body and brain! Did I tell you sahur is my absolutely-necessary but least-liked meal, while breakfast is my favourite? Yayyyyy! Watch out for my analysis! 🙂


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