R plus R minus R equals to R

Just thought of recording down what I heard off Warna 94.2 FM’s Firman and Sabda programme this morning.
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The Rebellious Bride Part 2!

Well well well, look what I found while giving myself a headache looking through wedding videos!

Ustazah Nazeerah’s wedding video

I know Ustazah Nazeerah as my beloved Ustazah Maimunah’s friend (or it could be her junior, or both) whom the latter had trained and appointed to carry out one or two runs (or more, I’m not sure) of her Project Spirituality Quranabic Core Course. Ustazah Nazeerah also happens to be one of my cousin’s good girlfriends and she was there to witness my cousin’s nikah and attend her wedding last year.

Anyway, it sure looks like it had all the trappings of a big fat Greek Indian Muslim wedding, doesn’t it? Down to the bridal henna. She’s even wearing that hooked at the nose and dangled across the face accessory!

Now! This is something I could show to the old folks! Starting with my mom of course (she’d convey it to my dad). See! See! See! This ustazah, who’s a graduate of Al-Azhar University, doesn’t see anything wrong with wearing bridal henna.

And come to think of it, my future mother-in-law, being an Angullia and all (Mauritian Indian, at least on her grandfather’s side), may insist on me getting proper bridal henna. Ahah! Time to get the mister to ask his mom’s opinion about it. This means I could also play the in-laws card!

Now let me start scheming on how I’m going to set up this counter attack. ūüėÄ

*As it so happens, the fact that she’s wearing bridal henna isn’t the only thing that makes me so happy to see the video; it looks like we’re gonna have one more thing in common! Shhhhh! It’s a *secret*!

The Rebellious Bride

Oh my god I am so pissed at the moment I feel like shouting using my perempuan gila naik baran voice which I have used before in my line of work.

My mom was telling me to hurry and make the booking with the caterer whose food we had just tasted on Sunday (more of that in another post).

My dad was there too when we talked. Just after I explained the items that I vaguely remember the caterer would provide at the price that is within my budget, he said something which is precisely what set me off.

The point of contention:
Bridal henna

What he said:
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Equal Partnership

I was browsing through the work of a has-been-under-consideration wedding photographer on Facebook, when I saw the typical shot of the Malay bride sitting on the dais while her groom is seated cross-legged on the floor, about to go through the solemnisation rite.

And I suddenly got the chills. Suddenly, a sense of dread came over me. Suddenly, I realised the moment of my upcoming wedding that I would dread the most; being seated in precisely that position, behind my husband-to-be, and having paparazzi family, friends and the hired photographer taking photographs of me seated like that.

No, it’s not because I’m camera-shy (I’m totally far from it). It’s not because I’m afraid of blinding camera lights. It’s not because I fear appearing fat in photographs when taken from so many different angles.

It’s because the whole position smacks of inequality to me.

It’s becase I would rather be seated beside him, rather than behind him, as the proceedings take place.

Because I would be his equal partner in this life¬†journey called marriage rather than him being the shepherd and I’m¬†just the docile sheep.¬†(No matter how the proceeding itself may smack of inequality, at the very least its contents are not photographed for ‘eternal’ memory.)

Because I made my own damn choice to get married, because it takes two damn hands to clap, one of which is mine, MINE, and I am an active party in this whole affair of getting married, so I deserve to be right there beside him as it is not only he who is marrying me; it is also I who is marrying him.

I expect a lot of people to disagree with me on this (but since when did I care about people?). Unfortunately, my old folks would also disagree.

The mister would just say, don’t shake things up, you know I won’t be the wife-beater obey-me husband, right? Since when do you ever listen to me¬†so willingly¬†without giving it a good fight? Since when do you ever listen to me, if at all? (I do dear, sometimes;¬†I just take some time to tame that blind rebel in me. And it takes a smart,¬†confident¬†man like you to give an obstinate woman like me that time and space to¬†come to¬†her own decision which happens to coincide with what you prefer me to do.)

Should I just rebel anyway? Insist that I would like to be seated beside my husband-to-be as the proceedings take place?¬†It is, after all, me myself and I who is getting married. Perhaps I could start dropping hints to the old folks,¬†like¬†what¬†I did with my other ‘crazy’ ideas on how I’d like the wedding done (and have so far been relatively successful at getting my way)? Perhaps I could mention how I’d like to ‘pay tribute’ to my Acehnese (read: Indonesian) roots, confirm¬†with¬†my old folks that¬†those distant relatives got married by sitting side by side and mention I’d like to be just like them?

Perhaps, perhaps…

Kenduri nikah kahwin

Dua hari yang lepas,keluargaku bersiap sedia untuk kenduri tahlil yang akan diadakan pada hari keesokannya. Kedua-dua makcik pakcik sepupu sebelah Mak dan Bapak dijemput hadir di kenduri tersebut. Selepas tikar terakhir siap dibentang, Mak berseloroh kepadaku,”Dah, aku dah boleh nikahkan kau besok. Habis selesai, tak payah susah-susah lagi.”

Dengan selambanya aku menjawab, “Ok boleh, tak ada masalah. Lagi murah, lagi bagus!” (Terlupa pula nak merungut, “Mak tak cakap siang-siang, kita tak jemput bakal suaminya!”)

Dan kakakku menambah, “Mak kalau buat macam tu, tentu orang fikir ada benda tak baik dah berlaku, sebab itu tiba-tiba nak dinikahkan.”

Seloroh ibu dan anak begitu membuatku terfikir: itulah masalahnya dengan orang kita. Benda yang baik (pernikahan), yang memang sepatutnya dipercepatkan kalau sudah siap dari segi kematangan dan kewangan (kewangan untuk keperluan peribadi ya, tuan-tuan dan puan-puan, bukan kewangan untuk adakan majlis bak kerabat diraja atau datuk datin), sebaliknya dipandang serong andai benar-benar dipercepatkan. Kalau ikut kehendakku, buat sahaja kenduri nikah kahwin! Biar orang nak kata apa, 5 bulan kemudian kalau perut aku tak membuncit, siaplah satu-satu kena telan kata-kata sendiri.

Suatu lagi masalah orang kita: Sindrom “Apa kata orang?” atau “Tak pernah dibuat orang!” Eh, orang lain tak pernah buat, mereka punya pasallah! Aku pula nak buat, ada kacau hidup orang lain? Aku tak nak pelamin (dan duduk di pelamin selama berjam-jam), aku tak nak pakai mak andam, aku tak nak dihias untuk jadi boneka hidup yang kerjanya senyum sahaja, aku nak buat baju pengantin sendiri yang anggun tetapi cukup ringkas untuk dipakai semula, aku tak nak kuih sepuluh macam, aku tak nak jemput si polan punya makcik punya anak tiri punya laki, ada kacau hidup orang? Orang-orang ini semua, sesiapa pun mereka, ada nak tolong aku bayarkan duit rumah dan perabot dan makan minum elektrik aku laki bini sehari-hari dan bil hospital kalau aku nak beranak?